{"id":877,"date":"2026-06-12T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-06-12T07:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/coffinfolk.se\/?p=877"},"modified":"2026-06-12T11:08:37","modified_gmt":"2026-06-12T09:08:37","slug":"dagen-for-mans-mentala-halsa-man-sorg-och-tarar","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/coffinfolk.se\/en\/dagen-for-mans-mentala-halsa-man-sorg-och-tarar\/","title":{"rendered":"Men's Mental Health Day: Men, Grief and Tears"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-f07a985c3162e3b575be87aaaf312f55 wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#3b3b3b\">June is not only a month filled with rainbows. In the shadow of the colourful celebrations, another very important awareness campaign is taking place: <em>Men's Mental Health Awareness Month.<\/em>.<br>June 13th is International Men's Mental Health Day.<br><br>I'd like to do my own small part, but not with dry facts, studies, and gloomy statistics.<br>Instead, this post is meant as a gentle encouragement and reminder that grief looks different for everyone. <br>Sometimes it comes with tears, sometimes it doesn't. Neither is right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-144e45d3f2b5576b3af5b4cdd6f728c0\" style=\"color:#3b3b3b\"><strong>Grief Cannot Be Measured From the Outside<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-e9ece25edeeef5b0827f21f605d804bd wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#3b3b3b\">At a funeral, there is often someone who consciously or unconsciously takes note of how the other guests behave. <br>Who is crying? Who isn't? Who is grieving enough? Who is grieving \"the right way\"?<br><br>In my experience, there is often a little extra attention paid to how men express their emotions.<br>A man who cries openly is seen as weak or unmanly and should be strong and stoic.<br>A man who doesn't cry is seen as cold-hearted and should be more emotional, more visibly affected.<br><br>The truth is that grief can look very different, not only from person to person, but from one day to the next.<br>And whether or not someone sheds tears is a rather poor yardstick for measuring either their grief or their character.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-e3f1268c4db61f407709e843bc6ea66e\" style=\"color:#3b3b3b\"><strong>You May Cry \u2014 But You Don't Have To<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-b7de2e43caafc1a664143c378ca1dba2 wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#3b3b3b\">Washington Irving, the gentleman who wrote one of my favourite short stories, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, also wrote this:<br><br><em>\"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. <br>They speak more eloquently than 10,000 tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and unspeakable love.\"<\/em><br><br>I like that way of looking at tears. <br>Not because crying is the only way to grieve, but because it reminds us that tears are not a sign of weakness either.<br><br>If you cry when someone you love dies, that's okay.<br>If you don't cry, that's okay too.<br>Tears are not the measure of love, but if they come, let them come.<br>You do not need to explain them, defend them, or apologise for them.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-70667a93af2582ccb061959e46aca465 wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#3b3b3b\">As I mentioned in my previous post, I am transgender. Since starting testosterone hormone therapy, I do not cry as often during sad or difficult moments, but my feelings are no less genuine because of it.<br><br>Even when both words and tears are absent, the grief and longing remain.\nThey may simply be wearing a different suit than the one you're used to recognising.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-3c4fc957de25d3bfd5c494589ea2324f\" style=\"color:#3b3b3b\">A short story with Quinley &amp; Herrow<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"427\" src=\"https:\/\/coffinfolk.se\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/cropped-Coffinfolk-HerrowQuinley-1024x427.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-428\" srcset=\"\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" data-srcset=\"\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-ffa30abea1770a15c8c7ea32fc87094b wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#3b3b3b\"><strong>Who are Quinley and Herrow?<\/strong><br>In Coffinfolk Caf\u00e9\u2019s stand alone short stories, you\u2019ll meet two most unlikely friends:&nbsp;<br><strong>Quinley <\/strong>\u2013 Coffinfolk\u2019s caf\u00e9 host. A young woman who loves life just as much as she loves exploring the cultural heritage of death and sharing advice, information, and insights that can help people \u2013 whether they are facing their own encounter with Death or living with grief.<br><strong>Herrow<\/strong> \u2013 Death himself. He may look frightening in his black cloak, but beneath the bones is a kind soul who enjoys a cup of coffee and sharing experiences gathered from every corner of time.<br><br>You can find a longer introduction + a short story about their first meeting<a href=\"https:\/\/coffinfolk.se\/en\/om-coffinfolk\/#intro-QH\"> HERE<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-background has-link-color wp-elements-4cbe2daafedde63545f8b07a9eb2a49b\" style=\"color:#f6f1eb;background-color:#a0522d\"><strong>\u201cTo Cry or Not to Cry \u2014 That Is the Question\u201d<\/strong><br>Narrated by Quinley<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-c0ca939c37e28124db7587772bb930c1 wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#3b3b3b\">When the front door closed behind a cheerful group of customers, the caf\u00e9 suddenly fell quiet.<br>I walked over to the only guest still sitting alone at his table.<br>\u201cWould you like some more coffee?\u201d<br>\u201cHm? Oh, uh, sure. Yes, please.\u201d<br>Tobbe and I were about the same age, but he looked as though he'd aged at least ten years over the past few weeks. The grief after losing his uncle had probably hit harder than he'd expected.<br><br>I lingered for a few extra seconds to see if he wanted to talk about whatever was weighing on his mind. He slowly stirred his coffee in silence.<br>The moment I turned away, he looked up.<br>\u201cThe funeral is tomorrow. You've been to funerals before, right? I mean... you know how you're supposed to act?\u201d<br>\u201cI have.\u201d I pulled out one of the empty chairs and sat down. \u201cWhat is it you're wondering about?\u201d<br>\u201cIt probably sounds stupid, but...\u201d He ran a hand through his hair and shifted uncomfortably in his seat.<br>\u201cThere are no stupid questions. Right, guys?\u201d I turned toward Harley and Herrow, who were sitting at another table gluing together a teapot that had taken a dive to the floor earlier.<br>\u201cAsk away. If we don't know the answer, we'll find it,\u201d Harley mumbled, focused on fitting the broken pieces together.<br><br>\u201cIs it... Should I... Am I allowed to cry? Do I have to cry? Is it rude if I don't?\u201d<br>My heart tightened. I'd always been quick to tears\u2014whether I was sad, happy, or angry.<br>\u201cDet \u00e4r klart att\u2013&nbsp; Jag menar, du f\u00e5r gr\u00e5ta. Men du m\u00e5ste inte.\u201d<br>\u201cBut what do people expect?\u201d<br>\u201cGood question...\u201d My dry response earned a chuckle from both Harley and Herrow. None of us were exactly what people expected.<br>\u201cI didn't cry at my aunt's funeral, but it felt like my heart was\u201d\u2014Harley gestured toward the shattered pieces on the table\u2014\u201csmashed into fragments. If someone had commented on the fact that I wasn't crying, I probably would've told them to focus on why we were there. It wasn't to count how many tissues I needed.\u201d Harley gave us a meaningful look.&nbsp;<br><br>In the blink of an eye, Herrow was suddenly sitting in the chair beside me, making Tobbe jump.<br>\u201cLet the tears decide for themselves whether they want to fall or not,\u201d Herrow said, patting Tobbe's arm. \u201cYou don't have to hold them back, and you don't have to force them out either.\u201d<br>A loud clatter was followed by a string of muttered curses from the table beside us.<br>\u201cI'd better give Harley a helping hand before he bursts into tears of frustration over here,\u201d Herrow chuckled and returned to his seat.<br><br>\u201cI can relate to Harley,\u201d Tobbe whispered before taking a sip of coffee to hide his smile.<br>\u201cYeah,\u201d I giggled. \u201cSometimes it feels good to cry a little, and sometimes you don't get much choice in the matter. But seriously, there's no shame in crying\u2014or not crying\u2014at a funeral or during your grief.\u201d I glanced over at the teapot, which was slowly becoming whole again. \u201cI hope tomorrow is a beautiful farewell for your uncle. The number of tears shed says nothing about how deeply he'll be missed.\u201d&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Juni \u00e4r inte bara en m\u00e5nad fylld av regnb\u00e5gar, i skuggan av de f\u00e4rggranna festligheterna p\u00e5g\u00e5r en annan v\u00e4ldigt viktig kampanj: Men\u2019s Mental Health Awareness Month.<br \/>\nJune 13th is International Men's Mental Health Day.<\/p>\n<p>I'd like to do my own small part, but not with dry facts, studies, and gloomy statistics.<br \/>\nInstead, this post is meant as a gentle encouragement and reminder that grief looks different for everyone.<br \/>\nSometimes it comes with tears, sometimes it doesn't. Neither is right or wrong.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":880,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[31,55],"tags":[34,36,35],"class_list":["post-877","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-kultur-traditioner","category-sorg-stod","tag-begravning","tag-sorg","tag-sorgearbete"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Dagen f\u00f6r m\u00e4ns mentala h\u00e4lsa: M\u00e4n, sorg och t\u00e5rar - Coffinfolk Caf\u00e9<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Dagen f\u00f6r m\u00e4ns mentala h\u00e4lsa: en varsam p\u00e5minnelse om att sorg ser olika ut. 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